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Fixing things…

November 10, 2010

I came across a song  recently via this purple friend, It’s called ‘Fixing things’ by Jacob and the sound The song came at a great moment! It’s reminded me that it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks of me, what matters is what God thinks of me.

Why do I pretend that I’m okay, clearly when you see that I’m not

I fell for you, I didn’t mean to, and you did it without your touch

Fixing, broken hearts, It’s never been as easy since I realised you’re here

Re-inventing, broken dreams and all the little things, love can tear us apart

I am to you what I wanted to be, Just tell the truth what I wanted to see, it’s not just me

And whenever there’s a thought, that you’re not good enough at being yourself

I’ll sit with you, and i’ll  have a brew, ‘cos i, i’m here for you

Thinking what would we do without the love of God and the spirit of truth

Don’t  be neglecting your chosen right, as the son or daughter of the most high.

I am to him, what I wanted to be, Just tell the truth, what I wanted to see.

(Check out Jacob and the sound, and get the album here)

A weekend or so ago I transformed from someone extremely happy into this confused, snotty, crying mess and I couldn’t understand why at all!

When you’re feeling down and out, useless and trodden on the devil takes the opportunity to put the boot in and tell you how useless you are, he loves to tell us that we’re failures and that we’re not good enough.

Suddenly everything seemed hopeless. Like someone had pencilled in a big cartoon styley black cloud above my head and I just couldn’t seem to shake off the feeling of despair. Not understanding the feeling at all kind of panicked me, I’ve always been someone who had generally good control over my emotions.

I make a point of NEVER crying in front of anyone and in the space of a weekend a fair few people had witnessed my puffy red eyes and attempts to hide behind a fair few tissues! One of my main aims in life has always been to make people smile, I hate feeling anything other than happy! I guess I maintained the appearance that I never had any problems pretty well!

It made me realise that nobody ever seems to get taught the lesson ‘it’s okay not to be okay.’

It’s a very British thing to cover up our problems and paint on a face that says ‘I’m okay, I don’t need help, I am strong, confident and independant.’ In my opinion we do it far too much!

‘Tally ho chaps lets see that stiff upper lip!’

A Brasilian friend of mine called Helio said to me when I was talking to him once ‘You know, its okay to cry. Don’t hold it in, there’s a reason that we feel like crying. It’s not good to hold it all in.’

Are we afraid as people to show our vulnerability, totally! Should we be? No! Fair enough we may freak a few people out if we end up bawling on their shoulders but you know something, by doing it yes you’ve felt vulnerable. But you’ve also said to that person, you know what – ‘It’s okay!’

A great friend of mine taught me something last week, she said, ‘You know Claire, the devil wants us to think we’re failures, he wants to stop us from doing God’s work. You need to stand up and tell him that he’s failed already! We so often talk of a battle with the devil that’s ongoing and we forget one key thing, God’s already won!’ There’s a guy in the Bible called Job who suffered at the hands of the devil. He was such a devoted follower of God, Satan saw this and said to God, ‘What reason does he have not to love you, you’ve blessed everything he has. Take it all away from him, make him suffer and he’ll curse you to your face.’ (paraphrased)

God gave Satan permission to inflict suffering on Job, providing that he did not harm him. Job lost everything, his wealth, his children, his health. Even Job’s wife turned around and told him to ‘Curse God and die.’ But Job didn’t. He loved God above anything and lived to the limit the phrase ‘God gives and takes away, but my heart will choose to say, blessed be your name.’

I didn’t go through anything like Job, not nearly! but you know something, in the face of his suffering he held fast to God.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. pinkpointeshoes permalink
    November 10, 2010 9:29 pm

    I think I may need to start taking my own advice x


  1. You can say what you like…but we’ve already won! « A lifetime's not too long to live as friends

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